Why Didn’t My Story Win?

Writing competitions are a great way to get feedback. If you win or place, great, you know your story is good, perhaps amazing. If you make it to the short list, or even the long list, you know your story has merit. This is all positive stuff. Does it mean the story that wasn’t mentioned has no merit? It shouldn’t and you shouldn’t interpret it that way. Rather, ask yourself, what did the winning stories have that mine didn’t?

Read the Judges Report

Many competitions receive hundreds, sometimes even thousands of entries. In these circumstances some good stories will miss out, not because they are not good, but because the winners were spectacular. Your task is to figure out what made them spectacular. If you have access to the judge’s report, start there. They will tell you why they chose the winners. What did they like about the winning stories? Does your story have these qualities?

Read the Winning Stories

First, read the winning stories simply for the story. Did you like them? Ask yourself why. Read them again, this time with an analytical eye. Can you see the qualities the judges sought in the winning stories? Now read your own story again; can you rewrite to encompass the qualities you and the judges saw in the winners?

Seek Constructive Feedback

Seek help from your fellow writers or from your local writing group. Ask for honest and constructive criticism. Some competitions offer critiques for a small additional fee; it might be wise to take advantage of this. You might also like to seek out professional critiques which come at a cost but can be very helpful. Many organisations and individuals offer critique services for short stories.

Review, Rewrite and Try Again

If, following this analysis, you are happy your story has what it takes, submit it to a different competition. One of my stories was awarded a first prize on its eleventh submission. But if you think you could do better, take the time to rewrite before trying again.

What do the Judges Look For?

First and foremost, your story should have a strong plot, believable and engaging characters, and an opening sentence that compels the reader to continue. Grammar and spelling are important, and all the formatting rules for the competition should be satisfied. Read the judges’ reports and you will find they are also likely on the lookout for:

• Creativity and imagination
• A story that develops through to a dramatic conclusion
• Descriptive writing
• Natural dialogue
• A conflict faced or a problem to be solved
• A character who grows in some way
• A relevant ending that speaks for itself; it should not have to be explained
• An uncommon perspective / a fresh look at something
• A story that makes the reader think
• A compelling title that fits the story
• Relevance–no unnecessary backstory
• No clichés

In conclusion, don’t be deterred. Review, rewrite and try again.

Children in the House

First prize winner in the Gippsland Writers Network ‘Home’ Competition 2023

I was thrilled to hear my story, Children int he House, was the first prize winner in the Gippsland Writers Network ‘Home’ themed competition for stories up to 500 words.

One of the judging criteria was how well the story fit the theme. Click here to read the judges report.

Children in the House

“Mum, you’re smiling at nothing again.”

“Was I, Dear?” Ruth turns to her son. She can see him, the edges of him, at the table where his father used to sit. She moves her head to look at his face, but the black haze moves with her. Ruth wonders if his hair has greyed more than she remembers, if he has gained weight.

“Remember what the doctor said, Mum, when it happens, move your eyes left and right a few times.”

Stephen calls in a lot now he’s retired; visits that Ruth cherishes. Having her son in the house, where he grew up, where he played, did his homework, sat with his first girlfriend; it restores a balance. Ruth used to open the wardrobe in his old room, just to look at growth marks on the back of the door, but they are too hard to see now. She sighs; time goes too fast until it goes too slowly.

“Are you listening, Mum? These things aren’t real. It’s just the macular degeneration. Charles Bonnet syndrome. You know that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. I’m going blind, not batty,” she says, and, she thinks, wearing out and winding down.

“It’s your brain, making up for lost sight by creating stuff to see. Nothing to worry about.”

“Why can’t you call them what they are, Stephen? Hallucinations.”

“Be careful Mum, if people think you’re seeing things, some do-gooder will send you to the old folks’ home.” His voice frays at the edges, the way men’s voices do, when they will themselves not to weep. “I have to get going,” he says.

“Turn the heater on before you leave, Dear. Set it to go off at eight, please. I’ll be in bed by then.”

Ruth closes the curtains and shuts the doors to keep in the heat. Winter evenings are her favourite. How wonderful they used to be; the whole family cocooned in this cosy little room. Dad, in the big chair, head back, snoring; the dog asleep at his feet. Her, beside him, knitting a jumper or beanie or cardigan. Stephen, lying on the floor in front of the heater, watching television, his face flushed. How old was he when he stopped doing that? Tracy on the couch, embroidering some cute cross-stitched sampler. Ruth had them all framed and hung them in Tracy’s room. They hang there still.

Sweet Tracy is there now, on the couch, with her needle and cotton in hand. She’s wearing the orange polo neck jumper Ruth knitted for her. Ruth watches as Tracy passes the needle through the linen, and back again. And through and back again. Tracy, locked ageless into memory, lost to them when she was only ten, looks up and smiles. Ruth smiles too. She wonders how this can be so real, so perfectly real, when everybody says it’s not.

Tracy stands and this time, when she holds out her hand, Ruth goes to her, and they leave together.

…………

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Writing in the First Person

A ten minute writing exercise

Writing in the first person appears to be unpopular. I’ve noticed over time that many in my local writing group steer clear of it in favour of writing in the third person. First person is I, we, and us rather than he/she, they, or them.

It’s true, first person can be limiting; we can only know what that person knows, only see what that person sees, and only experience what that person experiences. So why should we sometimes venture into writing in the first person.

First person viewpoint can bring us closer to the character, to become more intimately involved in them, more invested in what happens to them. It raises the stakes. It allows the protagonist to have a conversation with the reader.

First person opens the door for the character to express an opinion more fervently, more passionately and with greater fiction, than would be the case if their opinion was merely stated by someone else.

First person can lend a higher degree of credibility to the tale. Who would know better what happened or is happening than the person experiencing it.

The Exercise

You are a retired paparazzi photographer. Spend ten minute writing a piece in  the fist person viewpoint.

Here’s my attempt:

I don’t know how many times I have to tell them; I meant no harm. I wasn’t actually stalking her, it’s just that, well, she was interesting. It was the way she kept looking around; furtive, guarded, like she was hiding from something or someone. I hadn’t gone there for her. I was just doing some random street photography, but instinct kicked in. I smelled a story, and I followed her. I did not know who she was. I had no-one to sell a story to, but it was the buzz, the thrill of the chase. I felt alive again; no longer lost in the dying boredom of retirement. It was exhilarating. As I followed, I raised my camera and took shot after shot. I stood back while she leant against a wall and phoned someone. She stared at me then, and I at her, until the police arrived.  

…………

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Famous Paintings as Writing Prompts

A ten minute writing exercise

Pictures make excellent writing prompts. They can be the spark that ignites creative thought but what if that picture is known the world over? How does the writer divorce themselves by what is known or perceived to be depicted and move to their own original interpretation or perspective. The purpose of this exercise is to help the writer develop creativity, to encourage writers to step away from the obvious.

Write a piece based on one of the following famous paintings. It might be:

• A piece inspired by the painting. That is, use the painting as a writing prompt. (This is the easiest option – I challenge you to choose another.)
• Your version of the backstory to the subject depicted in the painting. That is, the painting is the end, not the beginning of the story.
• A description of the emotion conveyed in the painting. Use words that show rather than tell what the emotion is.

The Scream by Edvard Munch,
Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

American Gothic by Grant Wood,
Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by Georges Seurat,
Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

The Astronomer by Johannes Vermeer,
Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Here’s my attempt:

I chose American Gothic and decided to write the backstory to the subject depicted in the painting. That is, the painting is the end, not the beginning of the story.

“It’s as if progressives are from another country.” Adeline was shaken and consumed by the shame of it. Composure was everything.

“We have dealt with it, Wife.” Henry was steadfast in his resolve, his face a matter-of-fact blank canvas.

Adeline must draw her strength from him, as she had always done. But she could feel the fractures, the holes through which the devil’s emotions might seep. “Is there no alternative?” She looked up at Henry and met his displeasure in but the mere glint of an eye. His features had long been moulded into the locked door they were now.

The dogs were restless too. They scampered about, one yelping, looking at Henry and Adeline, then to the path outside the gate and back again.

“Henry?” Adeline surrendered to the ache within.

“Enough!” He thumped the handle of his pitchfork on the ground. His word was law.

Adeline stood beside him, fighting to regain calm, and together they watched as their son walked away with the offending iPhone in his hand.

…………

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Writing With Random Words

A ten minute writing exercise

The random words exercise encourages writers to use words they might not normally choose. A wider use of words facilitates a more engaging style of writing.

The Exercise

Ask each member of your group to write down a random word without revealing it to others. Exclude proper nouns, foreign words and obscure or little know words.

Each member can then call out their word and all members will write them down, thereby generating a list of random words.

Members can now write a piece that incorporates those words.

If you wish to add a layer of complexity you can incorporate the words in the order they’re generated.

An alternative to the members choosing the words you could use an electronic word generator such as Random Word Generator, Word Counter, or Random Lists.

Here’s my attempt:

In local group, seven members chose the following random words:

Ferry
Discombobulated
Paint
Startled
Grevillia
Frustrating
Basket

My piece, written in ten minutes:

She wished she hadn’t decided to take the ferry home. The day had been one disaster after another. She felt positively discombobulated and, in hindsight, should have called a taxi. The boat was newly renovated. Its name, Grevillia, was splashed on almost every spare surface in a gold paint with a garish orange tinge.

Despite the cold, she stood outside, wanting nothing more than to be alone. She sidled up to a basket of coiled ropes, and was lost in a wondering of what they were for when she was startled by a high-pitched female voice with an outback Aussie twang. Christ! It was Janine, her work place nemesis, and the cause of all her troubles. How frustrating!

Vintage Picture Card Writing Prompts

A ten to fifteen minute writing exercise

Vintage Picture Card Writing Prompts

Writing prompts are an important part of the writer’s tool kit. For those writers who respond better to visual cues than to written prompts, pictures can be a great help. Themed picture cards add another dimension to the prompt. Vintage picture cards will move the writer away from the here and now and challenge them to place their character in the past. It is an opportunity to spark a different level of creativity.

The scenes depicted are less familiar to us today, and what of the topics? Here I have used vintage picture cards, sourced from www.pixabay.com. Many are drawings from story books, now in the public domain.

The Exercise

Have your writing group select their cards from a deck held face-down; a blind pick. Ask them to spend ten to fifteen minutes writing a piece inspired by the picture card.

What will challenge them? Dragons, pixies, or fairies. Sweet children and cute pets. A burlesque dancer, a farmer, a knight in shining armour. A boat at sea, a bike rider, a racehorse. A butterfly, a peacock, a teddy bear.

Here’s My Attempt

Image by 2211438 from Pixabay

I chose my husband against my parents’ wishes. They branded him a ne’er-do-well. A reckless bounder with no respectable future and little means of support, and they forbade me to see him again.

My father took my arm and dragged me upstairs, with me struggling and shouting in a manner unbefitting a lady. He offered no word of argument. He was silent even when he turned the key in the lock and left me imprisoned there amongst the lace bedcoverings and French perfumes. I shed no tears. Anger consumed me, not sorrow.

Night came, supperless. It was as if they had forgotten me. When I first heard the tapping, I thought it was a wayward sparrow. I went to investigate as the tap, tap, tap, became more regular, relentless even.

It was my love there at the window, come to rescue me. I drew the window up and he bade me to climb out and, eager to be with him; I did not hesitate. Not until I had thrown my legs over the sill and had taken his hand did I notice the ladder. It was not of sturdy wood placed firmly aground, but of rope rising upward toward the golden moon.

He put his arm around my waist and pulled me to him. Above us floated a splendid hot-air balloon, its gondola shaped like an eagle resplendent sufficient for a king. I boarded unafraid, and taking hold of a suspension wire there with one hand and a silken flag with another, I stood tall and waved my parents’ abode farewell. I was bound for adventure in a wide-open world.

…………

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Using ‘I remember’ as a Writing Prompt

A ten-minute writing exercise.

The Inspiration

Joe Brainard wrote a novel in 2001 called ‘I Remember.’ It contains a collection of paragraphs all starting with “I remember.” Most of the memories are only ten to twenty words, and the longest is only a page. Here are some of Joe Brainard’s memories from his novel:

“I remember when I thought that if you did anything bad, policemen would put you in jail.”

“I rememberwhat fresh cut grass smells like on a Sunday morning.”

“I remember not understanding why people on the other side of the world didn’t fall off.”

“I remember waking up somewhere once and there was a horse staring me in the face.”

Why the ‘I Remember’ exercise?

This exercise encourages writers to draw from their own memories or experiences for material. They say everyone has a story in them. Perhaps one of your ‘I remember’ snippets will be the inspiration for your next fiction story, your next poem, or become the bones of your memoir.

The Exercise

Write “I remember” and continue from there.

Spend ten minutes writing several short “I remember” stories.

You might write about something you actually remember or something fictional. Your memories may be simple and quick recollections or they may be descriptive memories, filled with detail and emotion.

Think of memories from any time in your life.

Think of all types of memories:

Happy memories – I remember red balloons on strings, sticky-pink fairy floss and Bertie Beetle show bags.

Sad memories – I remember how my dog’s eyes clouded over after she died and her cold face when I kissed her goodbye before we buried her in the back yard.

Early memories – I remember cap guns that went bang when the trigger hit a little black dot on a paper strip and how if you picked at those little black dots, you burnt your fingers.

Simple memories – I remember running over bindi weeds in bare feet. Ow!

Silly memories – I remember trying to suck port through a Tim Tam biscuit.

Mis-remembrances – I remember a lady who kept horses in a paddock and picked orange skins from grass stalks to feed them.

Or just make something up.

A Snail by Any Other Name

A silly play on letters and words…

A Snail by Any Other Name

If we took the ‘s’ off snail,

Would he then become a nail?

Could his soft and slimy self,

Be a fixing in a shelf?

If we took the ‘n’ off still,

Now as ail would he be ill?

If we took the ‘l’ away,

Would he be a cheer called ai?

If we take the ‘a’ off then,

Is he ‘i’, himself again?

…..

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Humpty Dumpty Reimagined

A bit of silliness to brighten your day..

Humpty Dumpty Reimagined

Humpty Dumpty fled with the loot,
with all the King’s men hot in pursuit.
They tasered him to make him fall,
and had fried eggs for breakfast at Hadrian’s wall.

…..

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Using the Senses to Bring Life to Your Settings

A ten-minute writing exercise

A well-described setting is one that resonates with the reader, that enables them to imagine themselves there. A setting is more than what the eye can see. It is what we can hear, feet, smell, and even taste. Sensory detail can bring a setting to life.

For this exercise, choose a place you know well and describe it using the senses. Try not to make sight the dominant descriptor.

Sight: What do you see around you? Is it an urban setting? A street, a shopping centre, a town square. Are the buildings quaint or angular, old or modern? Are there other people there? What are they doing? Why are there? Is it a park? Are there children playing, bike riders, walkers, wildlife, tall trees? Are you at home? Are you sitting on your decking overlooking your yard? What do you see that you love? What makes it yours? If you are in a room; are the walls brightly coloured or sombre and cold? Is it cluttered and homely or minimalist and austere?

Hearing: What do you hear? People chatting, birds chirping, wind in the trees, waves lapping at the ocean, music, the shouts of spectators, the calls of protestors?

Smell: What do you smell? A BBQ cooking, the perfume of flowers, the salt of the ocean, the coming rain, decaying rubbish?

Touch: What do you feel? Are you sitting on the grass? Is it cold, damp or rough on bare legs? Are you at the beach? How does the sand feel beneath your toes? How does the water feel on your skin?

Taste: What can you taste? This is easy if you are eating something, but what if you aren’t? If you are at the beach, can you taste the salt in the air? If the setting is unpleasant, can you taste bile in your mouth?

Examples from Literature

In Hard Times, Charles Dickens uses not only sight, but smell and sound to describe the city:

“It was a town of red brick, or of brick that would have been red if the smoke and ashes had allowed it; but as matters stood, it was a town of unnatural red and black… It had a black canal in it, and a river that ran purple with ill-smelling dye, and vast piles of building full of windows where there was a rattling and a trembling all day long, and where the piston of the steam-engine worked monotonously up and down, like the head of an elephant in a state of melancholy madness.”

In Wish You Were Here, Jodi Picoult uses both sight and touch to set a beach scene:

“When I wake up the next morning, the sun is swollen in the sky and beating so hot it makes the air ache. I… walk to the edge of the ocean, dancing faster when the soles of my feet start to burn.”

In The Secret River, Kate Grenville uses sight, touch, sound and smell to describe the forest.

“Through the doorway of the hut he could feel the night, huge and damp, flowing in and bringing with it the sounds of its own life: tickings and creakings, small private rustlings, and beyond that the soughing of the forest, mile after mile.

“When he got up and stepped out through the doorway there….. only the living night. The air moved around him full of rich, dank smells. Trees stood tall over him. A breeze shivered through the leaves, then died and left only the vast fact of the forest.”

In 1984, George Orwell relies not only on what is seen, but on what can be felt and smelt.

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. Winston Smith, his chin nuzzled into his breast in an effort to escape the vile wind, slipped quickly through the glass doors of Victory Mansions, though not quickly enough to prevent a swirl of gritty dust from entering along with him. The hallway smelt of boiled cabbage and old rag mats.”

Here’s One I’ve Been Playing With

The Queue by Gayle Marien

The impatient pushed from behind, forcing us to relinquish what little private space we had jealously guarded this quarter hour past. I stumbled forward into an amply proportioned man, temporarily dissolving into the cushions of him, then repelled by the acrid stench of stale perspiration. Geordie checked his watch, achieving nothing other than a realisation he had fallen into a two-minute time-checking pattern. He tapped the glass hard. Tap, tap, tap. Every two minutes; tap, tap, tap. Ours was the only cruise ship moored and not far behind, workmen bustled to unload a freighter. Dust, painted heavy with the grease of industry, assaulted us, and the filthy taste of it settled on my tongue.

…………

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